I was too ashamed...

I just came back from a very short holiday in Pattaya. I wish I could have stayed longer than two nights, but most of all, I really wish that I could have gone there under happier circumstances but I've put on so much weight from lack of gym training, fewer tennis sessions and nearly six weeks of depression eating, that I was too ashamed to take any pictures of myself. I had my camera with me but every time I thought of taking it out, I'd ask myself if I really wanted to remember my first ever visit to Pattaya that way. And I was too ashamed of the way I looked to go swimming at Dongtan beach, too.

I've been planning to go to Pattaya for five years and when I finally managed to go, what happened? I put on so much fat and lost so much muscle before ever stepping on the train that I was too ashamed to take any pictures of myself there. But I don't plan on staying fat forever. I'll never give up fighting fat - or depression. So here's my latest picture to remind myself how far I've fallen and how much farther I've still got to go before I'll dar to strut my stuff at the gay beach in Jomtien.

Back to the gym. Back to the tennis court. Back to counting calories every single waking second. Back to Square One and starting it all over again but a new day's waiting just around the corner. I must never stop believing that.